How I feel right now.
Author: Category: News

Whew, what a ride, not. How ya doin? I’ve been used to quiet and being alone (long hours in the car) since I could drive (1971 long drives up the coast of CA. Used up all of the gas, and daddy asked me where had I been) I’ve loved watching friends and folks virtually play music, talk about projects, encourage voting, and have loved a few outside fire gatherings BYO everything and talk real clear across 6′ through the mask. Laughing steams up my glasses. As long as I’m not driving, that’s ok. And I’m not driving. I mean, it was a new tank of gas every 3-400 miles, and that was sometimes 2-3 times a drive to the next gig. The next “jumping on” place where there was the amazing new faces, many known, most unknown, anticipating the energy. I miss that in you all. I miss being in that place almost every day. The idea of bringing energy to a room full of energized people was/is a drug that I have longed for most of my life. Where we were together, all on the head of a pin. (I’ve been looking for you all my life) Where those words and that phrase and melody felt so good to me that it felt good to you, too. Where we sang together, laughed together. I miss that like water.

This is my first blog since many years ago when website was all we had. I’ve come back home to the website, feeling like it’s better here, where there is thoughtful, timed silence in the phrasing. Where I’m not a target in an open field. Nor are you.

Welcome to where I will live and let’s talk and listen to each other. I encourage you to use your voice here. There are a few rules. Be kind. Be creative. Be courageous. Be yourself.

4 thoughts on “Dec 5, 2020 Diving Deeper into the Quiet

  1. Sundays are for deep thoughts written down by hand, steaming hot coffee, reading classical piano real slow, and learning new chords for an old melody. Sundays are for organizing the garage, filling the bird feeders, packing the car with recyables and give aways. Washed dogs sleep so much deeper. Cards written and sent for Jan 5 Senate Runoff. So many things to do that I could only think about doing while driving from gig to gig. Wondering how my plants were, how my dogs were, how my house was while I was away. Always a breath of relief when I’d come home and it was still there, waiting for me. Down the drive, unload and load again. It’s been the first year since my child hood that I’ve seen the seasons change in one place. I learned a lot about gardening. about being in one place and being ok being quiet, alone. I don’t feel alone. I feel our connections all around the world. Sending you strength, hope, courage.

  2. So I’m not sure if anyone is here with me, but I have lived a life of discerning my own angels and devils. Calling a spade a spade when it went against the grain. Are you here? Is this a vain attempt to reach out the those who are wondering what the heck is going on around here? I have to go stretch and breathe.

  3. It’s a beautiful day, 12/11/20 Happy Friday! Gonna get out, recycle, cleaned out closets, taking bags of clothes and coats to shelter. How fortunate with closets full of coats long forgotten! The food in the pantry, the heat in the vents, the soft bed and pillow and hot shower to cleanse. No, things aren’t perfect, but am taking stock of the things that are good, walking in gratitude.

  4. I like Diving Deeper Into The Quiet. I’m going to keep this thread going and maybe you’ve got something to say about your own delving and deep quiet. I’ve become a homebody. My garden is growing and I learn so much from watching the changes. Autumn is close and the leaves will fall, but for now, we have mid 90’s and the river is low from no rain in a few weeks. Third Spring and Summer at home. 3 years of watching the seasons change. Three years of learning to budget and use little. Have spent a tiny fraction on gas, which used to be where all my profits went out on tour, as I usually slept in the van, or with friends. It feels good to not be spewing gas omissions. Feels good to not worry about falling asleep behind the wheel when tired. Feels sad to not see friends around the country, or to go to UK EU. I’m not sure I’ll fly again. Not sure I’ll tour again. But I don’t feel that ache in my belly I used to have. I’m actually scared of people now. There, I said it. Scared of people. I realized I don’t recognize one third of the country anymore, and the factions that are splitting those of us who are supposedly working for the same goals blindsided me recently. So I dive deep into the quiet. Have another cup of coffee while I suss out life and what it will look like the next 10-20 years. I figure that’s what I’ve got if I’m lucky. Stopped spending $ on anything but the necessities. Trying to be better at remembering other’s birthdays. Trying to be better at sending condolences and wishes for healing. Hold on to the guard rails. Follow the path slowly. Delve deeply into the quiet.

    I learned to change the hummingbird feeders every other day because the sugar water turns to vinegar in the heat. Every day simple stuff, watching the dogs relax by having a routine. Enjoy having stations for artwork, music, sewing, and time for learning have helped me keep track of the revolving interests and to follow through on them, not just wishing I could eventually get to them. I like learning about law and precedent and how it can be a blessing and a curse. I like learning how to use language to communicate ideas and how to identify subterfuge and sabotage in “psy – ops” Psychological Operations. How to say a thing and mean another to get a reaction. Watching all of the hearings, watching people in charge closely. I figure it is important to keep them real if I ask questions and listen to their answers. If their answer is a prefabricated ‘psy op’, I know what I’m dealing with. Learning to identify half a lie. (Half a lie is more dangerous than a full lie)

    Every day I write a little note that I put in jar. What happened that day, a lesson learned, a hope or dream. I’ll read them on Dec 31.
    Every day (almost) I write in a diary to my child and talk to her like she’s here, about my day, my thoughts, wonder how she is doing that day. We talk a lot but not everyday like we did for 10-15 years. She’s good and on her own and flying strong and beautiful. My heart is full.


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